adhdronanlynch: trapqueenkoopa: shadywinters: advicefromsurvivors: When your child says “Why…

adhdronanlynch:

trapqueenkoopa:

shadywinters:

advicefromsurvivors:

When your child says “Why can’t I get a puppy?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules”

Try “Any pet is a lot of responsibility. A puppy would have to be fed, walked, and taken outside to use the bathroom several times a day and taken for regular check-ups and vaccinations at the vet. You can’t do all of that by yourself, and I/we don’t have the time or money either.”

When your teenager says “Why can’t I come home at 2:00 this Saturday?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules!”

Try “The time you come home is a matter of respect and consideration. I/We will not only be concerned for your safety, but we would either be disturbed in the middle of the night when you arrive or forced to stay up for several extra hours waiting.”

When your child says “Why am I not allowed to do this thing?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules!”

Try actually communicating a legitimate reason, because children pick up on subtlety and on context and on the unspoken messages, and it’s better to teach children lessons like “You should think really hard before taking on new responsibilities” and “It’s important to show consideration for the needs of the people with whom you share a living space” than lessons like “It’s okay for people to demand your absolute obedience so long as you’re dependent on them for survival.”

TRUTH

Also worth knowing: training your child to accept arbitrary ‘reasons’ for obedience like ‘because I said so’ and ‘my house my rules’ etc trains them to be more susceptible to peer pressure because in their mind, when someone who is at all an authority (older than them, bigger than them, more impressive than them, more confident than them) demands something, they should accept it and not think about it critically.

Let them ask why, and give them a real reason. If not, don’t be surprised when they fall for lots of bullshit when they are older. You’re the one that made them believe ‘BECAUSE’ was reason enough.

Also, for children who are too stubborn or questioning to accept arbitrary answers like “because I said so,” your reply basically reads as “I don’t have a real reason.”

This is also dangerous because then they’ll assume this is true for all the other warnings you give, even important ones that are meant to keep them safe or protect them from abuse. They won’t think, “Oh, this is a bad idea because x y z,” they’ll think “My parent said not to do this but I bet there’s no real reason why, so I might as well do it anyway.”

I never obeyed my parents as a kid because they never took the time to give me legitimate reasons why I shouldn’t do things. It didn’t always turn out well for me. Talk honestly to your kids.

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did-you-kno: The best age gap for a satisfying marriage is…

did-you-kno:

The best age gap for a satisfying
marriage is none at all. According to
a 2017 study, men and women who
married someone younger were very
satisfied- but only at first. Over time,
those married to much younger (or
older) spouses had larger declines
in marital satisfaction compared to
those who married someone of a
similar age. This is likely due to the
age gap having differing effects on
how each partner deals with serious
issues, like raising children and
spending money. Source Source 2

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did-you-kno: You’re attracted to jerks because of the brain’s…

did-you-kno:

You’re attracted to jerks because
of the brain’s reward system.
Your neural network is sensitive
to rewards like affection and sex,
but when these rewards come to you
unexpectedly, they become much
more alluring. It’s one of the reasons
why people can’t stay away from
an unpredictable partner who
doesn’t treat them well. Source Source 2 Source 3

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potbellies: darth-darling: panic-volkushka: trying-really-hard-…

potbellies:

darth-darling:

panic-volkushka:

trying-really-hard-ok:

panic-volkushka:

Clients’ names and personal information have been omitted to retain their privacy.

“That boy ain’t right.”

There’s more to abuse than hitting.

tbh, I was kinda waiting for someone to point this out and yes, you’re absolutely right. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, it can be emotional and/or verbal.

This comic came about because I‘d read several commentaries comparing Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin, specifically in regards to how they treat their daughters.

Almost everyone I know who takes the time to think critically about The Simpsons or Family Guy hones in on the fact that Peter physically and emotionally abuses Meg, whereas Homer is incompetent, neglectful, and absolutely does not understand Lisa – but he loves her and he tries.

In the commentary about how Peter and Homer treat their daughters, I didn’t really see anyone bring up the physical/emotional abuse of their sons.

To lay it out there – I loathe Family Guy. Fucking hate it.

I grew up watching The Simpsons and can have entire conversations purely through quoting the show. But as much as I love The Simpsons, I think the overall cultural attitude to corporal punishment (physical abuse) has changed enough that it’s time to retire the running “joke” of Homer choking Bart. It may have been a culturally acceptable joke ten years ago, but more and more research is showing seriously negative outcomes for kids that have experienced any form of physical punishment. We need to stop normalizing it.

As for King of the Hill, Hank and Peggy are hardly perfect parents and both have a tendency towards stifling Bobby’s more flamboyant and/or “feminine” behavior. But they both love Bobby; they have both, at different times during the show, been able to connect to Bobby through his various interests. While not perfect, they are a much healthier depiction of a family.

As a queer transgender dude who grew up in Texas and is totally unsuited for Southern concepts of masculinity, I have a real soft spot for King of the Hill and for Bobby. It’s a far more real and complex depiction of family, compared to the pointless cruelty of Family Guy or the lesser cruelties of The Simpsons.

“That Boy Ain’t Right” Hank said this a lot, but if I remember correctly, he’s never said this to Bobby’s face. He doesn’t understand him sometimes, but he’s never treated him like Homer and Peter have.

Another thing on Hank. A big part of the show is Hank learning to be a good father while dealing with his experiences with his own shitty, racist, abusive father. If Hank has a scene where he is extremely uncomfortable, it’s almost entirely with showing emotions. When someone is crying or upset around him (Peggy, Luanne, Bobby, John Redcorn, Bill, etc) he shuts down because that’s what his father molded him into.

And by the end of the series you see him behave differently. He learns to be openly romantic with his wife (even having sex on a freaking train), he deals with his father’s issues, HE DRESSED IN DRAG IN FRONT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD FOR BILL, and most importantly he learns that his son will always be “different” and gets over his own unease so that Bobby can be happy. Hank’s a good dad on the pure measure that he tries and that’s damn more than Peter or even Homer.

But Bob Belcher will always be #1 dad anyways.

from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2fQp4v3

potbellies: darth-darling: panic-volkushka: trying-really-hard-…

potbellies:

darth-darling:

panic-volkushka:

trying-really-hard-ok:

panic-volkushka:

Clients’ names and personal information have been omitted to retain their privacy.

“That boy ain’t right.”

There’s more to abuse than hitting.

tbh, I was kinda waiting for someone to point this out and yes, you’re absolutely right. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, it can be emotional and/or verbal.

This comic came about because I‘d read several commentaries comparing Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin, specifically in regards to how they treat their daughters.

Almost everyone I know who takes the time to think critically about The Simpsons or Family Guy hones in on the fact that Peter physically and emotionally abuses Meg, whereas Homer is incompetent, neglectful, and absolutely does not understand Lisa – but he loves her and he tries.

In the commentary about how Peter and Homer treat their daughters, I didn’t really see anyone bring up the physical/emotional abuse of their sons.

To lay it out there – I loathe Family Guy. Fucking hate it.

I grew up watching The Simpsons and can have entire conversations purely through quoting the show. But as much as I love The Simpsons, I think the overall cultural attitude to corporal punishment (physical abuse) has changed enough that it’s time to retire the running “joke” of Homer choking Bart. It may have been a culturally acceptable joke ten years ago, but more and more research is showing seriously negative outcomes for kids that have experienced any form of physical punishment. We need to stop normalizing it.

As for King of the Hill, Hank and Peggy are hardly perfect parents and both have a tendency towards stifling Bobby’s more flamboyant and/or “feminine” behavior. But they both love Bobby; they have both, at different times during the show, been able to connect to Bobby through his various interests. While not perfect, they are a much healthier depiction of a family.

As a queer transgender dude who grew up in Texas and is totally unsuited for Southern concepts of masculinity, I have a real soft spot for King of the Hill and for Bobby. It’s a far more real and complex depiction of family, compared to the pointless cruelty of Family Guy or the lesser cruelties of The Simpsons.

“That Boy Ain’t Right” Hank said this a lot, but if I remember correctly, he’s never said this to Bobby’s face. He doesn’t understand him sometimes, but he’s never treated him like Homer and Peter have.

Another thing on Hank. A big part of the show is Hank learning to be a good father while dealing with his experiences with his own shitty, racist, abusive father. If Hank has a scene where he is extremely uncomfortable, it’s almost entirely with showing emotions. When someone is crying or upset around him (Peggy, Luanne, Bobby, John Redcorn, Bill, etc) he shuts down because that’s what his father molded him into.

And by the end of the series you see him behave differently. He learns to be openly romantic with his wife (even having sex on a freaking train), he deals with his father’s issues, HE DRESSED IN DRAG IN FRONT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD FOR BILL, and most importantly he learns that his son will always be “different” and gets over his own unease so that Bobby can be happy. Hank’s a good dad on the pure measure that he tries and that’s damn more than Peter or even Homer.

But Bob Belcher will always be #1 dad anyways.

from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2fQp4v3

potbellies: darth-darling: panic-volkushka: trying-really-hard-…

potbellies:

darth-darling:

panic-volkushka:

trying-really-hard-ok:

panic-volkushka:

Clients’ names and personal information have been omitted to retain their privacy.

“That boy ain’t right.”

There’s more to abuse than hitting.

tbh, I was kinda waiting for someone to point this out and yes, you’re absolutely right. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, it can be emotional and/or verbal.

This comic came about because I‘d read several commentaries comparing Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin, specifically in regards to how they treat their daughters.

Almost everyone I know who takes the time to think critically about The Simpsons or Family Guy hones in on the fact that Peter physically and emotionally abuses Meg, whereas Homer is incompetent, neglectful, and absolutely does not understand Lisa – but he loves her and he tries.

In the commentary about how Peter and Homer treat their daughters, I didn’t really see anyone bring up the physical/emotional abuse of their sons.

To lay it out there – I loathe Family Guy. Fucking hate it.

I grew up watching The Simpsons and can have entire conversations purely through quoting the show. But as much as I love The Simpsons, I think the overall cultural attitude to corporal punishment (physical abuse) has changed enough that it’s time to retire the running “joke” of Homer choking Bart. It may have been a culturally acceptable joke ten years ago, but more and more research is showing seriously negative outcomes for kids that have experienced any form of physical punishment. We need to stop normalizing it.

As for King of the Hill, Hank and Peggy are hardly perfect parents and both have a tendency towards stifling Bobby’s more flamboyant and/or “feminine” behavior. But they both love Bobby; they have both, at different times during the show, been able to connect to Bobby through his various interests. While not perfect, they are a much healthier depiction of a family.

As a queer transgender dude who grew up in Texas and is totally unsuited for Southern concepts of masculinity, I have a real soft spot for King of the Hill and for Bobby. It’s a far more real and complex depiction of family, compared to the pointless cruelty of Family Guy or the lesser cruelties of The Simpsons.

“That Boy Ain’t Right” Hank said this a lot, but if I remember correctly, he’s never said this to Bobby’s face. He doesn’t understand him sometimes, but he’s never treated him like Homer and Peter have.

Another thing on Hank. A big part of the show is Hank learning to be a good father while dealing with his experiences with his own shitty, racist, abusive father. If Hank has a scene where he is extremely uncomfortable, it’s almost entirely with showing emotions. When someone is crying or upset around him (Peggy, Luanne, Bobby, John Redcorn, Bill, etc) he shuts down because that’s what his father molded him into.

And by the end of the series you see him behave differently. He learns to be openly romantic with his wife (even having sex on a freaking train), he deals with his father’s issues, HE DRESSED IN DRAG IN FRONT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD FOR BILL, and most importantly he learns that his son will always be “different” and gets over his own unease so that Bobby can be happy. Hank’s a good dad on the pure measure that he tries and that’s damn more than Peter or even Homer.

But Bob Belcher will always be #1 dad anyways.

from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2fQp4v3